Ghost Dance

I haven’t been there in a year 
but still I know the way
the second right beyond the lights 
is where my cousins used to play
I really cannot recommend 
a visit if you haven’t been
there’s nothing there but prison walls 
and parking lots around the mall

How sad to see it in the news 
I can’t believe these things are true
but somehow on the other hand 
it feels so appropriate
these faces are my family
my alternate reality
a doppelgänger form of me
a half-forgotten part of me

It’s something I can’t figure out 
how to wrap my brain around
all I do is spin around
push egg shells into coffee grounds
I can’t absorb the things I read
they don’t fit with my memories
it’s like a stain on everything
like blood and coffee in my sink

I can’t dive down much deeper now
I’m seeking something
Reaching out blindly in the dark
Needing something
Hitting the bottom with my knees
Cutting something
Clawing the gravel with my nails
Catching something
Praying my breath will still hold out
Moving something

Open my eyes up in surprise
Stinging, choking
Dark reddish water all around
Like blood and coffee grounds
The world’s weight inside my chest
Still I struggle
A task impossible at best
But inevitable I guess
Prying it loose with all my might
Lungs near bursting
Kicking my body towards the dim distant surface

~ May 11, 2004